Limb by limb and tooth by tooth,
Tearing up inside of me,
Every day, every hour, just wish that I...
Was bulletproof
Wax me, mould me,
Heat the pins and stab them in,
You have turned me into this, just wish that it...
Was bulletproof
Radiohead
www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfJsrJ-lKGc&feature=related
(I know its a bad picture.... but today I just don't care)
]]>'Dark Light' is a new set I've just finished. It's so personal i've chosen not to write about it this time.
To see the shots as a slideshow (as it was intended) please follow the link below.....
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kirsty841/sets/72157605977058674/show/
These pictures were 'stage one' in a new pursuit of mine to express the darker more emotive imagery that seems to come from so deep inside me. My next set will be using a very special friend of mine who has agreed to pose nude for me........ This time I want to go harder edged, I can't stop listening to Massive Attacks 'Mezzanine' album which seems to sum up where my head's at, at the moment.
I'd say my biggest influence is this video, different album by them but its the kind of level I'll be aiming for....... I'm addicted.
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There's not so much to write about my trip to Ascot. It was purely for work, to research what the women were wearing on the famous 'Ladies day' ...... I spent most of my time following around women wearing my designs, asking them to pose for our studio research pictures. However in my heart I was silently, desperately, hunting for that rare and dying breed that is the 'English eccentric'. Ascot has changed a great deal over the years, and unless you are lucky enough to be in the Royal enclosure there is a distinct lack of 'true ladies and gentlemen'. Ladies day is famous for being the date in the race calendar when the society women step out in all their splendour... including the biggest and wildest hat possible. Many have their hats commissioned, and there are many hopeful hat designers to be found walking around handing out their business cards. It wasn't a place for soulful moments... but it has given me three unexpected things.......
1) A new project -
I'm going to call it 'God save the Queen'. As I sat in the sunshine and watched the entrance to the Royal enclosure with my camera, it struck me how I'm always complaining about the lack of interesting people to photograph in London, and just how wrong I was. When I look at the photos I have produced to date I would say that almost all of the ones I care about are from other countries, yet here I am in the capital of eccentricity. So my new plan is produce a body of work that celebrates my society, the best of British.... or be it the worst - I don't mind! It will be difficult and will run along side other works, but I'm quite excited about being more focused on the idea of portraiture as I know it's something I need to improve on.
2) The best picture I've taken?
Well maybe its too subjective to say.... but I certainly care about this picture more than almost all the others I've taken so far. The black and white picture above I've called 'The Last Dance' and I love it for so many, many reasons. The moment I saw this woman I felt a rush through my body, she literally stopped me in my tracks and melted my heart, broke my heart, made my heart jump .... and well made me act bolder than I have ever done towards a subject. Ascot is about 'being seen'...... and there are far too many women who take this statement to the extreme. They are unbearable strutting peacocks, squawking and preening demanding everyone's attention, ......... this woman was different, and in the most wonderful way. I found her sitting down with her back to the crowds, she was alone, and seemed to want to avoid all the attention, rather than embracing it like all the others. I caught a glimpse of her face and was instantly mesmerised. She looked like a fading flower,..... the creases in her skin although deep, still seemed soft and delicate. To some she may have seemed like an old woman desperately clinging on to how she used to be. But her eyes still shone, and although she looked slightly bizarre, with the paper roses in her hair and the white fur wrap..... all these things spoke about who she was / had been. They hung from her like precious memories... her 'finest things'. Who says you can be too old to wear what reminds you of being happy? I quietly sat down next to her, and asked if she would let me take her photo, I told her I thought she looked beautiful and we chatted briefly about how long she'd been coming to Ascot. I couldnt take my eyes of her, I felt like I wanted to kiss her on the cheek for standing by who she was. Sometimes I find older people so fascinating, and so kind to talk to, it's frustrating the way they are so often ignored in our modern society. After she had let me take a few shots, I said goodbye and walked away only to notice out the corner of my eye she had now turned to face the crowds and was smiling ..........
The picture isn't a 'beautiful one', but by accident in the post editing I tried adding a texture to give it an old feel - This didn't work, but just as I had erased almost the whole layer I realised the effect it had created. It was as if she was softly dissolving, fading like the flowers in her hair,.... like a memory. So I left it, it made the picture say more than I ever could have hoped. For me this picture sums up all I would love to achieve - it has a dark uncommercial beauty, is of somebody that moved me, and finally almost tells a little of who that person truly is... it was unexpected, but I'm quietly very proud of this one :)
3) Violent food poisoning!!!!!!!!
I'll spare you the details, but trust me.... I have never in my life been so sick (oh dear god... IN PUBLIC)... In my whole life... ever ever ever............. That's all i'm saying, the memory is just too dreadful for words :(
So here are the rest of the pictures so far..I took loads, but have already jumped onto new things. I expect I will return to them when I get bored... but I have so many ideas at the moment there just aren't enough hours in the day. I also forgot to mention these were all taken with my new lens..... its the size of my head and cost a fortune, but was certainly worth it!.
This will be the shortest entry in my blog to date, because typing h-h-h-hurts. All I can say is, you may look like a geek but people... wear a helmet, and hand protectors / knee pads.... and well, full body armour when going to a bike ride.........and maybe you won't end up looking like this.
I'm now minus 1 tooth, a large amount of my skin, and have a face like Jabba the Hut. My mouth is mashed up, and I have to eat everything through a straw. The only good thing about landing on my face was that I've finally lost the tooth I've hated for my entire adult life (it stuck out and made me nervous about smiling). The hospital dentist said a fake one could be put in and made straight - so a little extreme, but maybe now I won't look like a donkey when I laugh.
A proper entry will be on the way once Ive healed a little......... I went to Ascot races last week... got some great pictures,....oh and violent food poisoning (Its really not my week) ... :( !!!
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My posts are a little back to front and upside down at the moment, so sorry for the jumping around from one country to another...... I'm still working on the Hong Kong pictures, but I thought I'd share some of them with you before it all feels too stale........
Its funny, all the pictures I took were taken in 2 hours and within 5 streets of each other. It was just one of those lucky days when the streets were rich with characters, and I was feeling bold. I pushed myself a little harder, got closer..... bit my lip, and followed the ones I really wanted....as a result, several of these pictures show direct eye contact, and are barely cropped (I got pretty close)! Maybe it was also because I had just walked off the plane after 12 hours with no sleep, and was wired, and certainly a little desperate - I knew this was probably my only chance to go shooting before all my work took over (and I was right!).
The evening was hot and sticky, and for the first time I felt quite conscious of myself. The streets seemed to be full of men, and I stuck out like a sore thumb in my flowery dress and big camera. I went to Sham Shui Po, my favourite place for faces - theres an electrical market there that fades into food stalls, and then into the ghost town of the shut down textiles district. The streets and people are always damp, and the few women you see strangely seem to be doing the hardest jobs. The bodies are different here, the strains of life seemed to have pulled at the skin, and twisted the bones... expressions are haunted, poverty is on every corner, and a sense of neglect hangs in the air. Some of the most important, or rather disturbing details in these pictures I didn't even notice until I got home. The picture below is the best example of this - I'll never know what the second man saw, and I never even knew he was there. I just uploaded the image and suddenly he appeared behind the main character, so I chose to remove everything else and make this shot purely abaout them and their demons.
Although its not the best photo, the picture below was probably the most emotional one I took. It was taken right before I left the market... I found him down a little back street on his own. He stood there listening.... and I stood and quietly watched him, in the shadows sweat running down my skin. I was hot and tired, and wanted to go back to my room, but I was hypnotised by his presence. Clearly the song meant something, there was a memory there........... I called this picture 'She's not forgotten' because who ever she was, she was still alive in his heart.
This is when it takes me over..............
This is when photography makes me see the lives I would have otherwise walked past...... this is when It all becomes so much more than pressing a button. Its not about stealing peoples privacy... its is about capturing it, and recognising the beauty in us all.....
So the other news for me is..........
I did a little interview about my pictures :)
you can read it here - http://photograview.com/2008/06/12/kirsty-mitchell-interview/
I still can't quite believe it..... BUT ......I've been asked to exhibit in the same online gallery as the photographer I mentioned in my last post (Katia). My show will be between the 15th and 22nd of August - I need to get myself in gear! The gallery has shown some of my favourite photographers on flickr. If you click on the link below you can see past exhibitions - Brett walker's is amazing.
You can see other previous exhibitions here - http://www.flickr.com/groups/contrasted_gallery/discuss/72157601502471105/
And finally................. and probably the most exciting news of all......... After a lot of hoping and praying, and 7 years of working for my company, they have finally agreed to let me take a small sabbatical, so I can finally go travelling with my camera. After a couple of difficult years, I have tried to take some control and make this year about positve things. One of my dreams has always been to visit some of the more remote places I have only seen In the photos of people I admire. There's a lot of planning to do.... but Tibet is the top of my list, followed by India and possibly Japan... to be honest I don't know where to begin, but It is something I want to throw myself into and live to the full....... :)
So I'll end this post with the best smile I've ever seen.......... from the most extraordinary face I've ever managed to capture - she had to be in colour........ I think you can see why :)
I'm still editing my new photos from Hong Kong...... so until I get my act together I wanted to share this woman's work with you. I DID NOT TAKE THIS PHOTO........... but my god, I WISH I had!! Katia Chausheva is a friend I have made through the online photography site 'Flickr', and is undoubtedly the most incredible photographer I have ever come across. Her work just blows me away, and she is currently having a week long online exhibition on flickr (between the 6th and 13th of June)....... I seriously recommend you visit it. The link is below the picture. I'll also include a link to one of her Flickr sets if you read this after the 13th.
She has to be my number one inspiration right now ......... I just wish I had a nude model :(
http://flickr.com/photos/katiachausheva/sets/72157604875276678/show/
This is the link for the show.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/katiachausheva/sets/72157603391134274/
This is the link her nude works on flickr.
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He took me away from it all…… It was my birthday and escape was the best present I could have hoped for. He chose a beautiful apartment and looked after me, like he always has done…… We expected sun… but were followed by the English rain….and it rained, and rained and rained and rained! My shoes were soaked, my dresses were thin…. I froze, he held the umbrella while I tried to take pictures. The streets were flooded, the queues for galleries were long….. I was a brand new 32, he is still and always will be 3 years younger than me…. He's my Matt.
We visited the buildings I wrote about in my history of art essays 14 years ago… Casa Batllo….. one of my favourites. It felt strange touching the wood of the staircases I had studied… seeing the broken china pushed into the walls…. The soft organic interiors, the curves, the gentle light through frosted glass. Everywhere was beyond comprehension; to think this building was built a hundred years ago seemed almost impossible. The colours were melted blues, molten gold…. flashes of white clashed with the warmth of wood, the sense of protection and natural form was everywhere, it was unexpected and wonderful……
After seeing Casa Batllo, Casa Mila and finally the Sagrada Familia, I decided to take these images away with me and work on how they affected me. The rain and frustration had generated a lot of self portraits, as my dreams of capturing the locals had been washed away by the relentless weather. So I decided to try and combine all these elements into my pictures….. the softness of Gaudi, the dark light, my remembrance of studying art all those years ago, and the fact it was my birthday…. portraits of who I had become.
The rain finally forced me to experiment with my camera…. lazy girl… I have always loved photography, but am thrown by the technical side.. so we played with the settings, and together in the dark, we worked it out These are my first ever completely manual pictures… the focus, the aperture etc etc. It finally allowed me to capture the darkness and mood I love so much about the old masters paintings… I was, and still am very nervous about uploading these pictures, but the human body is the only element secondary to Gaudi's interiors that felt right. I have always loved the human form and only ever use myself out of sheer desperation and lack of models!.. This is very difficult for me, but in a way I'm glad I embraced it, I feel I've moved on a little again with my pictures and so its feels worth it in the end, here they are (gulp)…..
At times I forgot about things and was happy to be in another city, my dear friend Victoria (who originally planned the weekend in the first place) stayed a few streets away with another friend and we went out dancing at night… but sometimes it was just too much. I go through stages of coping and other times when I just can't pretend I'm ok…… sometimes people just don't know what to say, and I find it hard when I know they are struggling to find the right words. But there are also moments when this brings out the best in the people who care about me - I had to include this photo because it was just one of those moments…………. Matt's way of stopping me crying, ........I laughed myself sick.
Finally on the last day the weather broke…. I almost ran into the local square with my camera just in time to catch the Sunday market. The arches of the old buildings were teaming with locals studying the papers, trading stamps and coins. The characters were endless….. by this point I was beyond caring… there was so little time, I think I was bolder than I have ever been..... I ran from one group to the next, taking as many pictures as I could. There are still so many I haven't edited yet, but this entry is already 2 weeks late… so here are my favourites so far………..
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The rain has followed me...........It seems to have the strangest effect on my mood....... It makes me reflect, think about people, memories...all the things that have been going on in my life. It mixes them into one constant stream which flows through my veins.... through this body, awake at all the wrongs times, distracted by the rain....yet soothed by this night-scape.
I've been lying here in the darkness with my headphones on, watching the city lights flicker through the glass wall... all that remains between me and the sky.
I can't stop listening to Bjork's 'desired constellation'.... it helped me write these words, and the video is how I now half-dream, swallowed in this empty bed... so far away from everything.
'Tonight the rain won’t stop falling….
I sit here in the dark…. and you are with me,
I feel you beside me.....
This room … this empty room, is full of you.
Sheets creased, skin damp
My face washed away…. this is raw.
Broken light, bleeds against the glass.
I am still…….In this silence,
You are still in my thoughts…..
Electric haze fades through me.
Reflections, blur cold under my touch..
This heart beats slower… this night grows longer,
These drugs don’t work…….
I watch the shadows of strangers pace from room to room,
TV’s flash and jump, burning blue.
17 floors high, this cityscape echo’s with memories of you.
This girl is drowning…. this rain won’t stop....
This isn’t where I want to be…..so far away from you......'
Please, if you can spare anything...... please help. These people have lost everything... 21,000 dead, 41,000 missing ...... and the British newspapers published the story on page five, I'm ashamed.
http://www.christianaid.org.uk/?gclid=CIvBgJ-MkpMCFQpHQwodG0o1gw
It was just one of those times when my camera saved me...... I felt how he looked....... I stood on London bridge, tired, sad.....wishing I was somewhere else, when the sun broke through the clouds and lit the metal seal straight across the road.
A blazing trail that ran from the horizon to the tip of my shoes. I pulled my camera from my bag and took 3 shots... all I could see was the sun and blurred silhouettes, as I felt the warmth spread across my face like a kiss from a dear friend.
I turned my back, looked at the screen, and there he was........... a perfect living metaphor for the moment.
Sometimes I don't know how I would get through these recent days without something beautiful to discover and share......
It was once said somewhere how every picture taken is a self portrait of the person behind the camera..... in the last few weeks I have found that disturbingly true.... throwing myself into this is my way of dealing with things.
Not so many words this week, and music still doesn't feel right to add to these last two entries - but here is what I have been doing anyhow.